Also Human

Four years ago, whilst being the local GP and a GP mum, I was in the midst of supporting families through the uncertainties of Covid-19 infections in their kids, as one by one it spread through the children in my daughter’s class.

Within the week it was my Year 5 daughter who was unwell. Isolating at home, fearful, febrile, vomiting and wanting Mum to hold her, hug her and tell her she was going to be okay. Me, her mum, and also the GP looking after her school friends and their families. But also a GP on immunosuppressants and vulnerable to serious consequences of Covid-19. I was first a mum and second a doctor.

As I had feared, the time came and Covid-19 took me and changed my life forever. I was admitted with acute neurological consequences of Covid-19, and this resulted in a lengthy hospital admission to manage persistent dystonic seizures.

Four years have passed, with multiple neurological admissions and trips to ICU. Life is different. I have a movement disorder, most of the time hidden by medications taken every four hours. Other times, when I’m sick, it’s admission to hospital again with uncontrolled dystonic seizures and another trip to ICU.

When I’m admitted, people ask what do you do, doc? I say I’m a GP. Many say back that I will hopefully be more ’empathetic’ with my patients. One said to me, ‘What goes around comes around, doc.’ #alsohuman comes to mind.

Yes, I’m a doctor, but I’m also a mum, a wife, a sister and a daughter. Every day I work, I smile and give all the time and energy I have to my patients, even though I continue to battle fatigue and hide my tremor and dystonia the best I can. Because it’s not about me, it’s about my patients.

I don’t know what tomorrow, next year or the next decade will bring for me. But do you know what, none of us do.

I love my job. I love my patients. It’s such a privilege to be able to hold space and feel trusted with authentic, vulnerable conversations. My patients are my university.

I know what it’s like to wear a blue hospital gown. I know what it’s like to feel scared. I know what it’s like to feel vulnerable. But I don’t have all the answers to suffering and loss. I’ll walk with you on that journey, and I promise that no matter what happens, I’ll be there with you.