Lost and Alone, and Then Not

I came to all of this later than most, an international graduate, and I live with anxiety that turns severe in exactly the settings where you are being watched and judged, which, it turns out, is most of how you become a doctor here.

The system felt opaque and lonely. Built, it seemed, for people who already understood how it worked. I did not. What I needed wasn’t only knowledge. It was the feeling that someone had walked this path ahead of me and could turn around and say: “here, this way”.

There is a moment I still think about — being called to an emergency and realising, with a kind of quiet astonishment, that I knew precisely what to do. The fear stepped back. Competence stepped forward. It was the first time the two had ever changed places. So if you are out there on this road right now, feeling lost and alone: I was too. I promise you it does not stay that way.