You Can Only Hold So Much

I carry a partner at home with severe mental illness. Sometimes, I fear what I will find when I return home. I make sure I enter the house before my kids.

Some days I have to cancel a day of patients to keep my partner safe. When I return, most patients offer a kind question about my wellbeing, while the odd few let me know how disappointed they were in their rescheduled appointment. They had to rearrange work, reschedule childcare, waste time. I feel bad for them but have learnt that I can’t fix it, only give them the best care I can when I return.

Once in a while, my experience at home lets me connect with someone facing similar mental health struggles, either themself or as a carer. I’m pretty good at that bit, but it can feel heavy.

You can only hold so much.